potent-infinity

Serendipity is finding something unexpected and useful while searching for something else entirely.

Actually this is the title of the blog that never was. I think it would have been an amazing blog. It is sad to have to say Good bye and move on. However this shall be the words of reminder to seize the day; for had I seized the day I would have captured what would have been quite a meaningful thought.

Today however is a day of examination. A day for my performance review at work. Tough day for one who is driven by his perceptions of how others value him. Even though everything says I have done good and faithful work the underlying expectation is that I will be blind sided by some failure which leaves me feeling like a boy outside the principals office waiting for his punishment.

This helps to highlight my need for others approval, even perhaps with more emotional impact than a fear of letting God down. My spirit health and self analysis is perhaps something I have been able to control or limit. If it gets in the way of 'the more important things in life'.

I think balance would be a keen understanding of my value in the world based on God's view, love and approval rather than people's view, love and approval. However the other feeling I have is my God conscience is out of whack. The priority of my God time and spiritual health needs to be elevated above all else.

So for the next while let that be my journey be - one of self discover of 'me' and 'me and God'. Let it be the brainstorming session which brings change to the priorities of my day, each and every day.

I think my Serendipity post will come - but I am not sure I have found the something unexpected yet. Perhaps for now it shall remain an incentive as I walk this journey.

Ok ok. to be honest I have already written this first sentence 4 times. Each time deleting it as it just wasn't quite perfect. So to ensure I at least get through one post on this weblog, I will continue and resist the temptation to start all over with some other half baked attempt to impress you with my wit and style and humor and good looks....

I did think of journaling on why journaling wasn't for me but I guess it is a fairly rediculus use of my time so I'll just skip ahead and pretend I have been doing it for years and this is just another blog listing thoughts of the days just pasted.

Recently I have had an exciting sense, one I have felt before and recognize, a new sense of calling. I have long believed that God has a very special blessing on my life. A feeling of knowing there is a plan and always knowing the next step a little earlier in my spirit than I realize in my physical reality. It is a feeling that gives great reassurance. As well as this, I feel God show up each and every time to take me and my family to greater and greater places. I have always been so blessed in business, work environments in most life situations I feel competent in a way I don't feel comes from me as much as God. Knowing these things along with one key truth - I aint seen nothing yet. The journey God has for me, the job, the goal, the mission is so much greater than I have ever considered, the potential is infinite.

Joe (Dam Youth Drop In) asked a pointed question one night "Why Are You Here?" I think it was my first night meeting Joe as volunteer. One part of me wanted to say fine and just walk off, thinking he didn't want me there. The other part of me had only one answer "This is where God wants me right now". "Ask me again in 5 years and I can tell you why I was there", was my thinking.

My journey with God has been like this a lot. I quite often don't know the bigger picture, nor need a reason, just need to be sure that this next step, this next day is in obedience to my best ability to what God wants from me. It has been some time of small steps and little booming direction, but I am feeling the subtle growth of the still small voice and it is truly exciting.